i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
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I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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