You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
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That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
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My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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