I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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