Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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