i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
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I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
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There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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