remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
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just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
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I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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