we made out on top of his cat.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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