As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
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Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
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I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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