The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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