I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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