You were right. It hurts to walk today.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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