I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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