You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
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He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
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btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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