is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i now understand why vodka
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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