I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
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just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
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I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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