Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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