Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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