Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
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Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
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did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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