sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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