He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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