kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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