I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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