mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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