My hand turned me down
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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