it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
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Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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