i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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