ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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