btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
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Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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