You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
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Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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