As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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