She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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