So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can't turn off my feet"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
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