So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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