When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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