this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
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I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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