good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pussy is not your playground.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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