I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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