my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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