Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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