Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
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the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
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I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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