I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize