Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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