I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
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I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
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Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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