so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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