omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize