my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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