I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
