I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
