everyone is single if you try hard enough
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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