I could make wine with my vomit
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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