Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
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I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
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How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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