This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
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I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
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eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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